Porn
I'm not talking Ron Jeremy or Debbie does Dallas here....
Swansea, shoes and Superman....As much about me as you could possibly wish to know
I'm not talking Ron Jeremy or Debbie does Dallas here....
I've been thinking about having a bit of a change.....
A tale about the time I attempted mass murder of the staff on Children's ward....
Secrets of a make-up artist...
Pre "rap-star Extraordinary" and post "ghost/pixie hunter, aprentice witch, inventor Extraordianry" I went through a "richard Branson" faze.
Quite a while later I set up another, this time more successful venture. Jewellry.One of my major strengths has always been art...not so much drawing, I really cant draw for toffee.. but give me a dollop of clay or a heap of junk and I can make you something pretty.
The idea sprang from a televison programme i watched about a woman making pendants from clay. I watched with fascination at how easy the whole thing was and I just knew that I could do something wonderful. This simple idea, coupled with my natural art ability, well, i was just sure to be a millionaire within a couple of months (eh Rodders? ;) ).
I wanted to keep the costs as low as possible, giving me the maximum profit potential. I bought a packet of air hardening clay out of my pocket money and all other necessary oddments were filched from around the house; mainly from my mothers sewing box and my fathers tool box.
I had a few basic designs and i decided to use monochrome colours so (which not only kept down the cost as the paint wasnt even mine, but it also gave the pendants hugely enormous style credibilty). I hung the pendants on shoelaces and despite this, i sold out of my first batch, even the one which i had made for myself got snapped up!
After this success,I made several batches of the pendants. even expanding the range to include two different sizes which also sold well. I then included silver and gold designs... these sold well, but not quite as well as the original design and after my final Design change (adding gemstones) - when the market was totally saturated with my jewellry and when the sales were falling off... I closed the business.. after all.. I had a rap career to begin ;)
Another tale from childhood…
You all already know by now that I was an immensely gullible child. I believed implicitly in everything; ghosts, vampires, chalk drawings you could jump into, lick-able wallpaper….
The list was truly endless. So it was because of this that I developed a kind of superpower - I was a super packer.
As I type this, I can anticipate many people saying “eh?”, wrinkling their brows in bafflement with a “what the hell is this loony girl on about now?!”
So…let me explain.
Due to the many emergencies I knew could be lurking around the corner at any particular moment (the afore mentioned vampires, ghosts and any other mythical creature) I always aimed to be prepared……
I think you may see where I am going with this now… heh.
You see, I had a bag. It looked just like any normal little bag that any little girl would carry around. But it was a bag with a difference…probably partially inspired by Mary Poppins’ carpet-bag.
In this bag would normally be anything that anyone could need, albeit sometimes in miniature.
Need a mirror and a hairgrip? Yep, I had those.
Bored and need a game to play? Here ya go
Need to kill a vampire? Help yourself to holy water, garlic and miniature stakes (aka pencils)
Hungry and need a snack? Take and eat.
I even remember at one point my mother saying she wished she had some foil or cling-film (saran wrap, for the non brits) to seal up a bottle that had been opened but, for which the top had been lost. Hey presto! I looked into my extraordinary bag and pulled out the cling film.
Superman had his motto, “truth, justice and the American way”, I had mine “Be prepared”…okay so technically it wasn’t mine.. I borrowed it from the boy scouts and girl guides.. But hey, it worked.
Quite an achievement that… getting all that stuff into one tiny bag…I wish I had the same knack when packing my holiday suitcase…..
Otherwise entitled: Things to never EVER do whilst you're drunk #1.....
It felt as good as it looks on t.v! Now, i'll bet that has you wondering!
I have to be strict with myself theses days, I slip into my naughty ways so easily, and of course, with such a hugely pleasurable activity that is to be understood...